Dance Lessons: One Month Count Down!!!

"When you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance"
           ~made famous by Lee Ann Womack

or perhaps you prefer

"Just dance...
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance"
            ~made famous by Lady Gaga


Friday afternoon June 17, 2011.  Wow!  Less than 1 month until the wedding!  So much has happened in the past month: dress fittings, the school play and promotion ceremony for Clint’s junior highers, the NBA finals where the Mavericks won the championship, our engagement picture photo shoot, bbqs, my 3 year anniversary at ECCU, a camping and bungee jumping trip (Clint and the boys), a local bridal shower (me and the girls), a museum and wine tasting outing, a wedding shower in my hometown, signing the lease to our new studio and getting our furniture, and just last night our first dance lesson.  Did I mention that was just our last month?  Yep.  Pretty crazy!

I must admit that as the wedding is getting closer, I feel more excitement, sentimentality, and pressure to have everything in order, so I’m afraid I had a little “bridezilla” moment yesterday.  Now please understand that I am generally not very outspoken or demanding, but as my opinions have been solicited for the past five months for just about everything, I have discovered that I have a lot more expectations, and thus opinions, concerning our big day than I thought.  During a great conversation last night with our reception MC, I realized that the wedding day is not simply a list of events to check off, but a series of special moments, of precious memories to last a lifetime.  I want to be fully present and experience the great delight, to allow myself the freedom to be beaming with smiles or to shed a tear, to rejoice with my love and our family and friends and not to worry about whether the platters are lined up perfectly.  Every bride with whom I have spoken has told me to not stress about the details on the wedding day, but to have a great time.  I take it that they wish they had not stressed so much over minor details, so it is my goal to take their advice.

Excellence is very important to me and I want to put forth the effort to plan a great event, but at the same time, I want to recognize that I cannot control all the factors and that very fact will actually make it an organic and a truly human day.  By this I mean that I do not want a superficially manufactured event, all fake happy smiles and a perfectly designed everything.  Our wedding should be a beautiful day, while remaining open to the uniqueness and spontaneity of real life.  The day will have life and vitality, like the difference between listening to a recording and attending a concert– it will breathe.  It is a once in a lifetime experience where all in attendance are engaged and participate, thus the community creates an experience that can never be repeated.

Take our dance for example.  In our dance lessons last night we told the instructor that we wanted to learn some steps, but not to create a choreographed number.  Clint ought to have the freedom to lead as he feels in the moment, not being overly pressured to remember what comes next and force a step that does not flow naturally.  We want to be prepared, but flexible.  If you know me this might sound a bit humorous, as I tend to be a very scheduled and regimented kind of girl, but Clint so often eases my mind and helps me to feel confident that all will be well. 

In conclusion, say a prayer for me if you have a moment in the next month that we will do all that is necessary to plan and be prepared, but that we will fully embrace the moment and enjoy the dance!

One Bended Knee: Combating 'Mad Dash' Syndrome

“Tomorrow I plan to work, work, from early until late.  In fact I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.”

                                    ~Martin Luther

It’s Monday morning and I am cutting it close again.  Grabbing my purse off the counter, I dump some Honey Bunches of Oats into a coffee mug and pour chocolate soy milk on top, then snatch a spoon from the drying rack and run out the door.  As I drive down Imperial Highway, I pause at each stoplight to munch on my cereal, while trying to precariously balance a bouquet of sunflowers on my lap.  I glance longingly at the picture of a latte on the Starbucks sign as I pass, then suddenly slam on my breaks as the light turns yellow.  Startled, I cautiously drive the last couple of blocks, and pull into the parking lot of my office building.  Turning off the engine I glance at the dashboard – 7:52 A.M.  ‘Late again,’ I sigh to myself.  I pull out my Book of Common Prayer and flip to the Psalms, pausing five minutes to read a couple before jumping out of the car and charging off to the time clock to swipe my badge by 8:00. 

Even with all that is going on I always seem to pull it together and make it to work on time, which is essential, but my goal is always to arrive in the parking lot around 7:40, so that I will have 20 minutes for prayer before I start work.  Unfortunately, this chaotic scene of my juggling act and mad dash to the office has been happening too frequently of late.  I could blame it on too little sleep, quite a bit of stress, so very much change… Yet why is it so easy for me to be disciplined in my punctuality to work, but then to struggle so much with finding time to pray?  Why is it that in the times when I need more prayer, I seem to make less time for it?

In church yesterday, Fr. Scarlett reminded us that one of the ways we display our faith in Jesus is through consistent prayer.  I am generally good at prioritizing in order to accomplish my goals, but I am afraid that becoming a consistent and habitual prayer warrior has not been on the top of my list.  As I continue to reflect on the importance of prayer, I am realizing that although it seems logical that I will have less time for everything else if I set aside time to pray, I am finding that the opposite is in fact true.  Prayer realigns my focus on what really matters.  It deepens my trust in God to provide for all my needs, and lifts my spirits.  Just a few minutes in prayer can radically reshape the course of a day, a week, and ultimately a life.

Rather than a vague “I want to make prayer a priority this week”, I need to literally carve out time for prayer.  Like everything else that I want to get done, at least for now, I need to put it on the calendar.  I need to whisper my prayers for strength throughout the day, taking every thought captive, and then set aside some extended time to spend with Him.  I have heard it said that it is impossible to have a relationship with someone if you never spend time with them. I certainly know this to be true, so instead of thinking about it as “making prayer a priority”, I need to think about it as “making God a priority”.  Now that certainly sounds essential!

Reflection:  How do you make God, specifically through time in prayer, a priority in your life?

On Bended Knee: Unshaken

“I spit out the blood and dust that coats my mouth, but I can’t spit out the fear.  Buried beneath six stories of rubble, the remains of what was once the Hotel Montana, I’m hanging on to the realization that I live through an earthquake.  I survived!  But, I also know that if I want to make it out of this black tomb alive, if I ever hope to see my family again, it will take a miracle – a series of miracles.

Miracles I’m not sure I  have the faith to believe in.”

                ~Dan Woolley’s Unshaken

I recently finished a book entitled Unshaken by Dan Woolley, a Compassion International photo-journalist, who was buried under the Hotel Montana during the Haitian earthquake in Port-au-Prince last January.  He writes about his fight for survival in an elevator shaft, but what I found most compelling, was his crisis of belief, his struggle to maintain his faith in the goodness of God while in the very depths.  His instincts and memory of a survival tv show provided the material needed to keep himself alive, but it was the battle for hope, the war to control his thoughts and to turn to the Lord in his pain and anxiety.

In crafting his book, Dan parallels his earthquake experience with a recounting of his wife’s struggle with depression, and I found that the two stories interweave beautifully to display the saving power of God and His divine intervention in both situations.  The Woolley’s have seen the Lord’s faithfulness through the most difficult challenges and the darkest times of his life.  Dan and his wife Christy have experienced a renewed passion for Christ and for one another, and it has radically reshaped their lives, and they want to share their story

I found that the book was able to capture my imagination, and my emotions for that matter.  Every time I put it down I kept wondering how he would ever be rescued and how his wife could emerge from such emotional despair.  I simply could not imagine the ceiling caving in on me and being trapped for 2 ½ days with little hope of rescue, nor could I imagine receiving news of my love being missing after a massive disaster, not knowing whether he was dead or alive.

In the depths of their despair Dan and Christy called out to the Lord, sharing their feelings and not seeking to deny or hide their sorrow, pain, or anger.  They turned to the Lord in their hurt and He spoke to them.  Too often we turn away from God when painful circumstances take us by surprise.  Too often we blame God, but are unwilling to listen to His response.  Too often we strive to do all that we can to remedy the situation on our own before approaching our Almighty Father.  In short, too often we fail to pray.

Whether facing our greatest difficulties or the challenges of daily life, the Lord encourages us to pray, to come to Him as we are and to seek His forgiveness, His comfort, and His love.  Why do we so often neglect our Maker, the Source of our very being and the Giver of life, thinking that we just don’t have time or that we can handle it on our own?  Why are we overwhelmed with stress and the pressures of this life?  Why do we live as people with no hope?  Instead, as the author of Hebrews urges: “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace in time of need.”

Yes, let us be people of faith amidst the darkness – let us be people of prayer.

Two Months and Counting...

Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.  And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.  And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb.

                                                ~Revelation 19:7-9

Wedding planning is insane.  That is pretty much the long and the short of it.  Do not believe anyone if they tell you that it was a breeze.  Every wife with whom I have chatted of late has deeply resonated with this sentiment.  It is such a challenge since Clint and I so very much want our wedding to be a special day, yet we do not want to be in debt for life because of it.  Furthermore, I have never been pressured to be so opinionated in my life!  From the type of cuff links on the tuxedos to the colors of the napkins, a decision must be made, and my preference or whim soon becomes reality.  I must admit that it is empowering in a way, but also rather exhausting!

This journey to the altar is certainly proving to be a test of our faith, hope, and love both in God and in each other.  It is so easy to stress and panic when plans are not progressing as desired, or when you discover a typo on the freshly printed invitations, not that I did that or anything...  It is easy to doubt that God will provide when seeking to create a budget and wondering how to have hope for a future with mounting expenses.  It is easy to question the depth of our love and to wonder if this “being in love” is all just a fantasy anyway.

Getting married is serious business.  Las Vegas may advertize drive-thru weddings, but planning the details of the wedding is simply the tip of the preparations iceberg.  Not only are you seeking to create the biggest and most beautiful event of your life, and house hunting for the first time, and seeking to combine two similar, but very different people, but you are preparing physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, and in every other conceivable way for a lifelong marriage – 2 becoming 1 flesh.  Talk about a dramatic transformation!

As Clint keeps reminding me, planning for our big day should not be a stressful burden.  Instead, our wedding is meant to be a joyous celebration with friends and family of our love and of our gracious Lord.  With each check mark on the task list, I am slowly learning to trust God, that He is good and that He will provide for Clint and me.  New jobs have come when least expected, friends have volunteered to help in their areas of talent, and we found our perfect little studio.  Throughout all of it, more than anyone, Clint has consistently encouraged me and redirected me from fear and worry to trust and faith.  When the outlook is the bleakest and we have just received disheartening news, he is quick to rebuke my lack of faith, to pray for us, and to gently lead me to our Shepherd. 

July 16th is now less than two months away…We truly hope that our wedding will be a beautiful celebration for all in attendance, filled with special moments and precious memories for years to come, because at the end of the day, the wedding is really about the beginning of the marriage—a glorious glimpse of Christ’s love for the Church and the joyous delight at the Wedding Feast of the Lamb!

Justice for all

"In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence."  ~ Bill of Rights, Amendment VI

"Civic duty."  I have heard the term all my life from my elementary Girl Scouts leader to US Government class in high school.  Growing up on military bases, I have always thought myself patriotic in seeking to serve my community and my country.  The United States of America is a great country after all – "land of the free and home of the brave".  At no other time have I felt the burden of citizenship, however, as acutely as this year, because this past month I have had the privilege, and grave responsibility, to serve as foreman on a murder trial. 

Being an LA County resident, I was summoned to report to the Compton Courthouse on April Fool’s Day.  Ironic, isn’t it?  From there, I sat through four days of grueling, and honestly rather boring, jury selection.  I practically read the entire Divine Comedy in a week during my long waiting periods!   Along the way I learned the stories of my fellow jurors and watched the list of 70 potentials whittled down to 12.  At the end of the week I was sitting in seat # 3 and sworn in as a juror.

Because of Easter, we had a two week break between voir dire (jury selection) and the trial, during which I was instructed to not share any of the details of the case with anyone.  This was especially hard with my family and my fiancé, but legal orders and a sworn oath mandated my silence.  I'm glad that I am free to tell them everything now.  Additionally, knowing that I would return to hear a murder case the day after Easter led to an interesting Easter experience during the afternoon Good Friday service at church, reflecting on the excruciating capital punishment of an innocent man and the release of a murderer in his place.

Easter Monday I reported, as so ordered, to the Compton Courthouse and began hearing the People’s case.  “Innocent until proven guilty”, “burden of proof,” and “reasonable doubt” were phrases that had new meaning when theoretical political philosophy was brought to the streets of Compton.  Over the course of the week, we heard the witnesses’ testimony and viewed the physical evidence.  After the People and the Defense rested, we were led in silence to the jury room to begin deliberations.

I had no idea what to expect of the deliberations.  My goal was to have the discussion organized, civil, efficient, and time-effective.  By this time I was using my vacation time, and did not want our deliberations to stretch on for days unnecessarily or for heated arguments to erupt.  Also, I recognized that a consensus was mandatory to reaching a verdict.  Thus, I volunteered to be the foreman, facilitating the discussion and acting as the liaison between the jury and the court in cooperation with our friendly bailiff (I say that ironically, as I don’t believe he ever so much as smirked, much less smiled).

I was delightfully surprised to find all my jury members quite cordial and open to discussion.  Apparently we had all followed the judge’s orders “to not make up your mind about the case until you have deliberated with your fellow jurors”.  The evidence clearly supported a conviction and after a careful review of the facts of the case and the testimonies given, we had all reached an “abiding conviction” of the defendant’s guilt of murder in the first degree.  Unfortunately, the defendant was a young man, just 19 years old, as was the victim whom he shot at point blank range in the right temple.  It is tragic to see the lives of two young men wasted (both the victim and the defendant) ultimately due to the destructive nature of sin.

This experience certainly gave me confidence in the effectiveness or our system, if not its efficiency.  It is quite difficult to convict an individual of a crime, and the evidence must leave no room for reasonable doubt (quite a steep requirement).  If I was ever charged with a crime, however, I would want a jury like the one on which I served, using their common sense and fairness to evaluate the evidence and to come to a conclusion of the facts of the case.  I pray that I need not serve again on such a case, but I would willing do so in order to ensure justice for all, and I encourage each of you to embrace the opportunity if you too are summoned.

May the Lord have mercy upon us and grant us peace.

On a similar note, I joyfully received the news of Osama Bin Laden’s death, and rejoice that he received the justice due for his crimes. 

“We beseech thee also, so to direct and dispose the hearts of all Christian Rulers, that they may truly and impartially administer justice, to the punishment of wickedness and vice, and to the maintenance of thy true religion, and virtue.  Amen.”  ~Book of Common Prayer

"Perry"

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet.”

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

I have been thinking about names quite a bit of late.  You see, on July 16^th I will ever after be called “Victoria Perry”.  Perhaps it sounds a bit dramatic, but I have been “Victoria Wade” my entire life.  I always liked the sound of my name, and the way the “W” flowed from my pen when signing an official document.  I thought it sounded so regal, and I could not imagine wanting to change it.  I am the historian in the family, after all, and was always interested in our genealogy.  By taking another’s name, I am in effect abandoning my heritage.  For anyone, but my dear Clint, I could not imagine doing so.

Well, I am a researcher, so I naturally desired to see what I could find in the wonderful world of the internet.  Google “Perry” and you will find all sorts of ponderings on its origin and meaning.  Here is a sampling:

Welsh shortening of “ap Herry” or “son of Harry or Henry”.

Middle English “perrie” denoting a dweller by the pear-tree.

Norman French “perrieur” referring to a quarryman.

Latin from the word “peregrine” meaning “wanderer/ traveler” or “foreigner/ stranger”.

Now I think the Welsh hypothesis seems the most likely, as it would fall into line with the “Anderson”, “Swanson”, and “Johnson” pattern, although, I suppose there are a “Cook”, “Baker”, and “Weaver” among us today, if in name only.  However, I find the Latin proposition is perhaps the most intriguing.  What does it mean to be defined as a “wanderer or traveler”, a “foreigner or stranger”?  The first translation seems to imply movement, either haphazardly or in a particular direction.  The latter focuses more on the “otherness”.

I am reminded of Hebrews 11:13-16:

“These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth…But now they desire a better country, that is an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.”

Much of life seems to be composed of wandering.  There is so much uncertainty in our future, so much to look forward to its fruition, but this leads to some concern and fear in the short-term.  Suffice it to say that waiting is never easy.  Unfortunately, this unknown does not appear to have an end after the wedding.  Instead, I am coming to learn that waiting and the unknown are a part of life.  I always seem to be waiting for something or other--waiting for the right guy to come along, waiting for my car to be fixed, waiting for the debt to be paid off, waiting for…Once I reach resolution on one front, I discover uncertainty encroaching from the rear.  Nevertheless, I am seeking to find rest and contentment amidst the grey, to find joy each day in the journey. 

What a tragedy it would be to jump in the car to travel across the country to move to the East Coast, for example, and fail to recognize the beautiful landscape, blindly pressing forward, complaining about the distance still to go, and simply praying that the car will not breakdown along the way!  What a waste!  Instead, I seek to notice the little beauties around me, from the lovely arranging of strawberry slices on my salad to the sweet good night text from my fiancé.

It is my hope to capture some of that beauty in this humble blog, to contemplate the truth, and to seek to do good.  Will you join me on the journey? 

Reflection - In what way, large or small, have you observed beauty in your life recently?